I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
