You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
