i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
