thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
