Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
