I could have mohawked her pubes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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