I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
