i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
