Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
