he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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