The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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