The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
