mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
