so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
