Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
