Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize