big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
