omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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