words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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