what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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