Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
