i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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