I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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