So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
