I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
