I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
