Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
