Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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