my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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