Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize