coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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