he thought i was a dude.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
