Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
