All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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