Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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