Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
