I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
