Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
