Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
time to smoke my breakfast
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
