And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
