I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize