I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
