Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
