Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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