i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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