Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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