guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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