the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
