how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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