I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
