Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
