my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
