I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
