My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
