Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize