Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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