I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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