Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
