don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
