It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
