When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
