I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
