I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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