dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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