I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
