I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
