i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
