THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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