I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
