that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
