I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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