Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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