he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
