Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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