how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
