i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
