i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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