Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
