Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
