Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
