I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
