Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
