she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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