a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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