dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize