Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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