Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
