hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
