Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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