But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
