why didn't you poke me back
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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